the favorite stall

Do you have a favorite bathroom stall at work or school? I do. It used to be the first one, until I walked in to find pee splattered all over seat and had to default to another stall one too many times. Then my favorite stall became the last one, the one right before the handicapped stall. Until I walked in to find pee splattered all over the seat and had to default to another stall one too many times.

Is nowhere safe in this world?!

 

And no, I am not the one peeing all over the seat, thank you very much.

Catchup

--Can we just talk about how annoying Matt Walsh is? Here's a link to his blog if you want to check it out (http://themattwalshblog.com). I am so sick of seeing everyone share his blog posts. I don't know how people can read the things he writes and feel good and happy about them. He is so arrogant, condescending, and overall annoying. He acts like his opinion is the only one that matters and anyone who disagrees with him is an idiot. Every time I read any of his posts, even if he hits on some things I agree with, I just come away from it feeling angry. Seriously, this guy is obviously full of himself and his ego is out of control. I don't think I've read a single post of his where he doesn't wax poetic about how great he is. GET OVER YOURSELF DUDE.

--It's starting to get cold here. I'm really not going to like this humid cold. And the wind! Oh dear, the wind. The other day, when I was walking to lunch, the wind was literally pushing me forward. But, luckily, starting in December I will be able to park in the parking garage that is connected to our office building by an underground tunnel so I won't have to walk to the building in the cold!

--I really love my job. We rotate audits every 4 months, so I finished my first one and am well into my second. The first one was so fun, I loved my team and learned a lot. Long story short, we were auditing an internal system employees use to order materials. My new audit is generically called "Contractor Audit." We audit contractors the company pays to provide services. At the beginning of October, I got to go to Denver for a week because there were a lot of contractors out there doing pretty extensive repairs from damage caused by the floods in the area. Here is a crazy picture:

That line of water running down the middle shows where the water ran under the track and washed away the mountain... leaving the track dangling in midair! This picture was taken from a helicopter so it looks small, but the washout left a hole about 80 ft high. This happened halfway through September and they have the line up and running now, but they still have contractors out working on it and finishing things up.

The work itself wasn't that exciting. We spent most of out time reviewing invoice support. But it was fun to travel with people from work and get to know them better and we did get to see some cool stuff!

--I'm still having a hard time making friends out here. I am so thankful that Greg has an old college roommate who already lived in Omaha with his wife when we moved out here. Their friendship has been a saving grace. They even like to play Dominion with us! And they have the cutest little boy. It's been a little discouraging to still not have friends, especially when our efforts fall flat or get rejected. I can be pretty self-conscious about my personality especially when I'm around people I don't know very well... which is pretty much everyone in my life at this point, so it gets really exhausting. At least Greg and I get along great :)

--I passed my first CPA test, I take my second the day before Thanksgiving! If I stay on track, I'll take my last test in May.

--Maybe one day I'll sit down and write about the Women in Business event I attended at BYU... maybe.

Seven Years

Seven years ago today, my parents came into my room early in the morning. I don't remember what they said, but the message was clear. I went into their bedroom, sat down on the bed, and held my little brother's hand.

He was already gone. He had passed away before they came and got me. But I laid there and held his hand. I laid there until a stranger with a hearse came and took his body away from us.

He was only 6 years old, weeks away from 7. He was sick for less than a year.

Tommy had a brain tumor that chemotherapy and radiation couldn't fight. Cancer always sucks, but there is a special suckiness about seeing a small child go through all of that.

September is childhood cancer awareness month.

In 2013 11,600 children will be diagnosed with cancer. That's 32 children a day. 
Cancer is the second leading cause of death in children younger than 15 years old (after accidents). 
About 1,310 children are expected to die from cancer in 2013. That's 3 children a day

There is an organization dedicated to supporting cancer research and the children and families affected by it. If you feel so inclined, you can read more about my sweet brother Tommy and donate here.

Two Years

Today Greg and I celebrate our second anniversary. I realize that's pretty small potatoes in the grand scheme of things, but it is still worth celebrating and I welcome the chance to reminisce.

I didn't feel any anxiety about marrying Greg. We fell in love quickly, but it was the real deal. We were both ready to start our life together, side by side, through thick and thin.

I love being married to Greg. I love our late night pillow talk of everything ranging from economics to our future family to how we would handle a zombie apocalypse. I love starting a road trip with an hour long discussion about affirmative action. I love playing Super Mario until we're each blue in the face because of how dumb the other is being (wii Mario multiplayer is some crazy stuff). I love going on walks and planning our budget and savings goals. I love how we both just look at each other and bust out laughing over the same. dumb. things. I love how I can just talk and talk and talk about the same thing over and over and over again, completely psychoanalyzing myself and reciting my entire train of thought from start to finish. I love how quiet, introspective Greg, who doesn't tell anyone what he's feeling, opens up to me.  I love that I get to see a side of Greg's personality that no one else gets to see - a silly, goofy, talk-in-weird-voices and make-weird-faces-side of Greg. A sensitive, thoughtful side of Greg. I love that we're on the same team and working towards the same goals. I love that we are both independent enough to be comfortable doing our own thing when we want to. I love that we can both stand up to one another and flat out disagree and debate and respect our individuality. I love having a safe place to be myself 100% and to continue on the constant journey of self-discovery.

When I think about how much I've grown and changed and about all that I've been able to accomplish over the last two years, I realize that I would not be the person I am today if Greg wasn't in my life. Before we got married, I had no intentions to pursue a career. I had no feminist inklings. What if these changes had happened with someone much less supportive of my non-traditional thoughts? Without his love and support and the comfort I find in him, would I have done the internships I did? Would I have decided to pursue a career and found my current job, which I love? Would I have gone on this journey of trying to understand what I really want out of life? What other Mormon man would encourage me to pursue a career and sacrifice so many of his own potential opportunities to support me, without even batting an eye?

I'm not sure I quite live up to all Greg has done for me. I worry that I fall short, but he assures me that I don't.

I can't speak for all marriages, but being married to Greg is the easiest, most natural, and most meaningful friendship and relationship I have ever had.

In our natural habitat - Camping at Mesa Verde

Thanksgiving 2012 - Chopping down the Christmas tree

 Thanksgiving 2012 - Christmas card picture

 January 2013 - Birthday Dinner

Another natural habitat - playing games

 April 2013 - Graduation!!

April 2013 - Emily and Eric's sealing (we try to clean up nicely)

Historic UP 844 Steam Engine

Teamwork! 

 Kansas City for the Cheifs game

Working full time is hard. So was school, but this is a different kind of hard.

In school, you have a bunch of different classes and they're all at different times. My Monday schedule was different from my Tuesday schedule. Add into that the variety of group meetings and other "extras," and each day was different. I had several hours throughout my day where I wasn't in class and could relax and read, watch tv, or catch up on homework. I was busy, but my day was very spread out and I had a lot of control over where I was and when. I could choose to skip a class and could choose when to schedule meetings and when to do homework.

Now, my day is like this: I was up at 6:30, leave at 7:20 and get to work a little before 8. Then I sit at my desk until 11 or noon, when I take my lunch break. Then I go back to my desk and sit there until 5 (There are meetings here and there, but I just go where I'm told). Then I go home, getting home around 5:40. We watch Big Bang Theory reruns and talk about our days. Tuesday is So You Think You Can Dance, Wednesday is Master Chef. I squeeze in about an hour of studying for the CPA exam (I take the first section at the end of August!) and then head to bed around 10.

I have time at home from 5:40 till 10. That's a little over 4 hours, which is a decent amount of time. But it hardly feels like any time. I am so. freaking. tired. I just feel so lazy! The last thing I want to do is even think about what is for dinner. I just want to sit on the couch and watch TV and not think about anything. Forget about cleaning anything. I get things out and don't put them away. I can't tell you how many times I've walked into the kitchen and found the mustard/eggs/milk I left out on the counter the night before. It doesn't help that our kitchen isn't visible from the living room and I hardly go in there. I can't focus on anything!

I need to figure this out. There really is no excuse for not accomplishing anything in the 4 hours I'm home at night. And let's be real, all I did at work was sit on my butt, why do I feel the need to do that all night? I think it's just that I need "me" time. I need to just do what I want to do. I have a really hard time with people imposing rigid rules on my life, and it honestly kind of hurts my spirits to have expectations of when I will arrive at and leave from work.

But I'm getting really sick of feeling like this. Sick of just wasting time... when you don't do anything, 4 whole hours feels like nothing.

Any advice from you expert full timers out there?

Doubt

Greg introduced me to the movie Doubt. It's a really good movie that is an adaptation of a play, and it has Meryl Streep in it, so hello. It is about a Catholic church/school and at the beginning of the movie, the priest gives this sermon:

What do you do when you’re not sure? That’s the topic of my sermon today.

Last year, when President Kennedy was assassinated, who among us did not experience the most profound disorientation? Despair? Which way? What now? What do I say to my kids? What do I tell myself? It was a time of people sitting together, bound together by a common feeling of hopelessness. But think of that! Your BOND with your fellow being was your Despair. It was a public experience. It was awful, but we were in it together.

 How much worse is it then for the lone man, the lone woman, stricken by a private calamity?

‘No one knows I’m sick.’

‘No one knows I’ve lost my last real friend.’

‘No one knows I’ve done something wrong.’

Imagine the isolation. Now you see the world as through a window. On one side of the glass: happy, untroubled people, and on the other side: you.

I want to tell you a story. A cargo ship sank one night. It caught fire and went down. And only this one sailor survived. He found a lifeboat, rigged a sail…and being of a nautical discipline…turned his eyes to the Heavens and read the stars. He set a course for his home, and exhausted, fell asleep. Clouds rolled in. And for the next twenty nights, he could no longer see the stars. He thought he was on course, but there was no way to be certain. And as the days rolled on, and the sailor wasted away, he began to have doubts. Had he set his course right? Was he still going on towards his home? Or was he horribly lost… and doomed to a terrible death? No way to know. The message of the constellations - had he imagined it because of his desperate circumstance? Or had he seen truth once… and now had to hold on to it without further reassurance? 

There are those of you in church today who know exactly the crisis of faith I describe. And I want to say to you:DOUBT can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost, you are not alone.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

When Greg, my dad, and I were en route to Omaha, I expressed how excited I was to be heading somewhere that had real storms. Storms (and trees) are what I miss about Georgia - Utah just doesn't do real storms! I love the thunder, the lightning, the pouring rain, the wind (as long as I'm safe inside, of course). I love the sound, the smell, and the look of a good storm.

It has apparently been a very wet summer for Omaha. Last year there was a drought and this year there is a surplus of rain. It feels like every other day is a storm! I'm not complaining though - I've only had to drive through it once and have yet to have to walk through it. We've had evening storms where we've been able to open the window to listen to the rain and thunder and I've sat in front of the window, mesmerized by the lightning and vicious wind. I'm on the 18th floor at work, so when there are day time storms, I can see the sheets of rain being blown by the wind and the lightning arcing to the ground. It is legit.

No matter where you live, people are convinced that "*fill in the blank state* has the worst drivers." I'll hand it to you that people in Provo are terrible drivers, but that has way more to do with the fact that it is an overly congested college town than that it is in Utah. Let's be real - no matter where you live, people suck at driving and they're all a bunch of idiots. Nebraska is no exception. I've noticed one particular trend out here - people don't hesitate to pull out in front of you, even if it means you will have to slam on your brakes for them. People are also very comfortable driving vastly below the speed limit (we're talking 10 under). And they are really slow about changing lanes... like they'll straddle the line for a solid 10 seconds

Nebraskans like to hate on Iowans. I've actually only heard people bring this up a few times, but it makes me laugh. They have acronyms for IOWA - Idiots Out Wandering Around and I Owe the World an Apology are the best I've heard. It makes me laugh that pretty much any other state in the country would turn their nose up at Nebraska, and then Nebraska turns its nose up at Iowa.

Shut. UP.

A guy I went to high school with posted this awful video about modesty (The Evolution of the Swimsuit), with a hearty "This is FANTASTIC! I encourage everyone, especially young women, to take time to watch this video and share it with their friends. What this woman says is not opinion; it is truth! How will you use your beauty?" First of all, eww I hate men telling women what they need to watch especially when it's like "Hey womenfolk! Listen up! I'm a man, which means I'm a huge perv! If you don't believe me, just watch this video, it will help you really understand how pervy I am!!" ... Do you people realize how you sound?

Anyways, I commented "I did not like this video. The more we reinforce this idea that men can't control themselves and women need to be accountable for men's 'animalistic nature', the more that becomes true. How insulting is that to men? "You are nothing more than your instincts, so we need to make sure women are aware of that and take responsibility for you." We can't keep blaming women for men's poor actions. We are all accountable for our own decisions and the focus needs to be on making men responsible for their own responses, not women."

Some random guy I don't know commented later and said, "I am a man and I am not offended at all. I loved it. I feel like I am very in control of myself; I am not in control of which lobe of my brain is activated when I see something, though. If women want to stop being objectified, they need to stop making themselves an object."

I didn't feel like getting into an argument about how much of an idiot he probably is (I considered something along the lines of "I guess I just hold the men in my life to a higher standard... you know, different than the standard I would hold a dog to," but decided against it. I'm not a fan of internet arguing. But I did take BIG issue with one part of his comment: "If women want to stop being objectified, they need to stop making themselves an object." Uhhh... WHAT?! So a women who dresses immodestly... BAM OBJECT.

Do people not realize that this approach to modesty lessons incites this type of reaction? "I'm a man, I'm ruled by my penis, women are objects." Uh... hey buddy, you're dragging your knuckles a little. And did you really just eat a fly out of your friends hair? Because that's what this type of crap makes you sound like - an unevolved animal. This guy literally just excused anything a man does to a woman, if she was 'making herself an object.'

So I commented back "Women are never objects, no matter what they are wearing. A woman could *never* make herself into an object."

A little later I hear a ping from a facebook notification... sure enough, it's this guy. As I clicked on the link to see his response, I was expecting something like "OK that wasn't the best wording, you know what I mean." So I imagine my surprise when I saw:

"Disagree."

Oh. My. Gosh. I about peed my pants. What an a-hole. How can people think this????? How can people be OK with this? Do they not hear themselves?

Every time a modesty lesson like this is taught, there is one more tally in the "it's women's fault" column, rather than the "I am accountable for my own actions" column. I'm sure men are also getting that reminder, but they're hearing this crap far more often. Cut it out!

New Girl

When we first left Provo, I was craving a fresh start, a new scene. There wasn't anything particularly wrong with the old scene... it had just been my scene for a while. I moved to Provo in 2008. I was excited to see some new things.

But I have to admit... I don't like being new. I don't like not having any friends. I don't like not knowing anyone. I don't know how to act around people that I don't know. I don't know how to be myself. I am so, so, so quiet around people I don't know.

My goal in this new phase has just been to be upbeat, friendly, positive, and kind. To smile at people that I see and ask them how they are doing. To at least attend social events, even if I feel uncomfortable. And I've been doing that. But I still feel like I haven't connected with anyone, and despite my constant efforts to be someone that people want to be around, I feel like no one really wants to be around me. Not that they dislike me... just that they aren't terribly interested in me.

I feel so boring and different. At church, I'm way younger than everyone else and I don't have any kids. I'm a woman who is focusing on her career - weird. At work, I'm married, don't drink, and didn't belong to a sorority. I try to attend all the social functions but just end up silently listening while everyone tells their stories of drunken escapades and sorority drama. Compared to that, I am boring!

I envy those people who are so warm and open and make friends easily. I am such a private person and I rarely open up about my life, and I can see why that would make people be disinterested in me. I think about the person I am around my friends: goofy, hyper, cheesy, opinionated... yet I find myself just disappearing at work. Silent. Friendly. Boring.

I'm a legit working woman! Well... kind of. We're just doing training now, so I haven't actually started doing any work.

Oh I am so excited to have this job. The things I'm learning at training have gotten me even more excited. I think it's going to be a good fit for me. UP is an awesome company and I can tell they try hard to take care of their employees. There isn't a "weed out" mentality like there is at the Big 4 - they genuinely want you to have your career with them.

Let's see... UP works really hard to emphasize safety. A large portion of their workforce is in very risky environments where even the slightest mistake could be the difference between life and death, so there is a lot of push for safety and this is carried over to the corporate level. Whenever you meet in a larger conference room or training room, the meeting starts with a safety briefing where you identify someone who can perform CPR, someone who is willing to retrieve and use the AED if needed, someone to call 911, where to go in case of dangerous weather, and where to go if we need to evacuate the building.

We've had a lot of socials. They took us out to lunch twice, we had an evening welcome event, and we had a golf tournament this past weekend. A golf tournament! We were on teams and it was a scramble, which means everyone hits and then we pick the best ball and all hit from there until we get to the hole. I. Am. Not. A. Golfer. I was enjoying the first... 5 holes, but then I was kind of bored. We played the whole 18 holes, and it was windy and cloudy and cold!

There are like 50 or so people in the audit department, and the vast majority of them are recent college graduates. The pattern is that you start as an "associate auditor," get promoted to "staff auditor" after a year, then "senior auditor" the next year. At that point you can leave audit and go work for the company in another division, or stick around for one more year as an "audit supervisor" before leaving for another department.

Let's see.. what else has happened in my life - we took an overnight train to Denver last month to buy a used car. I love it, it's so cute. The weather here  has been weird - it bounces back and forth between nice and sunny and rainy and windy. So windy! That's going to be an adjustment. Omaha is beautiful though. I'm surprised - I was expecting it to be really flat and no trees, basically big sky country. But, it's actually very green here, and there are more trees here than in Utah. It's also quite hilly here.. not like Virginia hilly, but some nice rolling hills.

It's starting to feel like home here. It's still hard being away from my friends in Provo, being only a text away from hanging out. It takes me a long time to warm up to people enough to totally be myself, and I have some mild social anxiety from spending time around a lot of new people. I'm not one to overly self conscious about my appearance, but I am totally self conscious about my personality, especially when I'm around new people. But, meeting new people means making new friends, and I know I'll feel better soon.

Welcome to Nebraska

Well... we're here! A 15 hour drive with an overnight stop in Colorado and we are now getting settled in this new place.

Leaving Provo was hard. My wonderful friend Jessica gave me a moving care package that almost brought me to tears. But the drive to Colorado was wonderful. I slept for probably 60% of it. The next morning, it was snowing and gross. It didn't stop snowing until we hit Nebraska! And even then it stayed cold, wet, and windy.

We really like our apartment. It's cheap, but in a good area. Our neighbors are quiet. The apartment is A LOT more spacious than our last (the living room is about the same size the size of our former living room +kitchen... or in other words, 50% of the entire apartment). The stairwell smells like cigarette smoke, but the smell stays out of our apartment. 

The weather was so gross when we first got here. It stayed cold and rainy and windy for days. I had some minor freakouts. What if we hated it here? What if I hate my job? What if we never make friends? What if Greg can't find a good job? What if this is the worst place to live? We just spent over $1000 moving to this foreign place, all because of me... and what if it was awful? I sobbed. Multiple times. It didn't help when people we met laughed about the fact that we moved to Nebraska. 

But things have already gotten better. The weather has improved substantially, so we've been able to venture outside. We've explored the cemetery behind our home - it has some beautiful old headstones, which I love. We went to the zoo and it was great. We have more plans to explore downtown later. Church was good (although there was one older woman who thought it very odd that I we moved here for my job, even though I am married. When I told her that we moved here because I had a job, she kept staring at my finger, trying to decide if I was married, before finally just asking me, and expressing how "interesting" that was). We live so close to an awesome shopping center, the library, a DUNKIN DONUTS!!, a CHIK FIL A!!, even McDonalds is super close. We've learned our away around our little neck of the woods. 

The people here are so. stinking. nice. In the grocery store, at the bank, at a restaurant, they go above and beyond to ask how you are doing and to help you. Watching the kids here walk home from school makes me think I would feel comfortable raising kids in this area. An old man at church comforted me by saying that the summers here are usually not very extreme, definitely less humid than Georgia, and the winters are usually mild too, except for the wind.

I'm still anxious to start my job (still have 20 days before I start!). But you know what? I think we're going to like it here.

Leaving Provo

I've been a leeeetle bit emotional lately. This is weird for me because I don't tend to have a lot of emotions....

I cried over a State Farm commercial the other night.

I'll admit it. I'm starting to get way nostalgic about leaving Provo. I know some people have had less than pleasant experiences at BYU, but I've loved almost everything about it. I wasn't sad when I left home to come to BYU, but I'm definitely getting sad about leaving.

Things I'm going to miss:
The beautiful mountains and the waterfalls.
Being a phone call away from a hangout with my friends
Being able to give directions based on N,S,E,W
The beautiful campus
Dry winter (makes the cold much more bearable, although I do go through a lot of lotion)
Dry summers (humidity is not my friend)
Living around a bunch of people who are in the same phase of life
Hanging out with Shelbey every Tuesday during devotional
Greg's hockey games
The perfect grid system
The big Y on the mountain
BYU sports (live)
The Tanner Building
Free lunch from Beta Alpha Psi
Watching TV shows in the Jr. Core Grader's room when I didn't want to do homework
Greg driving me to and from school
Our teeny little apartment with its quirky green stove
Being so close to Greg's siblings who are always down for a game night
Being so close to my nephews and niece!
All the special places from meeting Greg and falling in love
Knowing my way around like the back of my hand
Being comfortable leaving our apartment unlocked when we leave for a few hours (yes... I have fallen into that naive trap)

I'm mostly just going to miss the comfort. I've lived here for five years! I have this place figured out. I know that, with time, I will feel just as comfortable in NE, but it's still hard knowing I won't feel comfortable for quite awhile. There are so many unknowns about Nebraska!! What grocery store will we like? What restaurants will we like? What kind of bugs are there? What will the weather be like (it will be different from Utah and Georgia!)? Will we have any friends? Will there be people our age? Gah!

I'm comfortable disagreeing with people and sharing my opinion... probably a little too  comfortable. But I don't speak up about my controversial opinions a lot. I write things here and there on my blog, but I rarely discuss them with people who aren't my friends (and my friends tend to agree with me, so that's an easy discussion).

Part of my silence is because I can be kind of apathetic - there aren't a lot of issues that I am so hung up on that I'm willing to go out and advocate to change. This isn't something I'm proud of, it's basically laziness.

Another reason is that I'm not extremely tactful. I don't know how to say what I want to say and it ends up coming out really harsh and blunt... not at all educated or sincere. I have a hard time drawing upon why I feel the way I do - I just word vomit.

My silence has spared me from the line of fire that most Mormon feminists face. I haven't argued with many people about these issues because they've really never come up. That's a major perk of people not knowing your opinions, or at least not knowing how strong they are. I read blogs and facebook posts from people who do speak up, and they deal with so much pain and rejection.

Today I spoke up. Way too forcefully, as usual. But I tried to explain what I felt.

And I fell on my face.

The Job

I cannot tell you how excited I am to start working full time... or how nervous I am! I don't want to mention the name of the company here in case it shows up in a Google search or something so here's a picture from when I went out to interview:

I found out about this company at an accounting major career fair I went to. After creeping around the booths of the Big4 (everyone knows they have the best swag), I started visiting the booths of the non public accounting companies, and this booth was one of the first ones I went to. I didn't know a single thing about them! I literally went up to the guy at the booth and said "I did an internship with E&Y and I didn't like it, so I'm basically looking for anyone who's not Big4." Smooth, huh? So I got all of the information and went to an info session a few weeks later.

I really started to get excited about this company after the info session. I love small towns, so the idea of living in Omaha was actually really appealing to me. Even though it's small, it's big enough that Greg has a good chance of finding a good job also. The company was doing really well and the people who worked there genuinely seemed to like their work. They love their company - contrast this to so many people who do public accounting and consider it "doing time" before they can really start their career. The company is very "promote from within," so I knew I could have a career there. I went home that night and was telling Greg all about it- I was pretty excited.

When I flew out to interview, I loved it even more. The office building is seriously huge. They have a catered cafeteria, a gym, a doctor's office,a  pharmacy, and a post office all in the building. Something that really stood out to me was the day care center a few blocks away. It's almost certain that our children will be in day care, and having it so close by is amazing to me. The people I met were all really friendly and down to earth, something I had not experience at E&Y or other companies I had interviewed for (*cough*Dell*cough*).

I could tell that they were very selective in who they hired. I felt like I had to actually work to show them who I am and what I can do. More importantly, I wanted to put that effort in because I was really excited about the prospects of working for them. When I interviewed for E&Y, I honestly couldn't get excited about it. I did zero preparation. I didn't network. When they asked me why I wanted to work for E&Y.... nothing. It's a miracle I got an internship. Part of my lack of enthusiasm is because deep down, I dreaded that career path. Another (bigger) part is because of how many people the public accounting firms hire. I knew my chances were good just from being a warm body with a degree.

I fell so lucky to be going down this path, lucky to be genuinely excited about my career and to not already have an exit plan. If I had done public accounting, I already had an exit plan. How lame is that? I'm so excited to be start somewhere where I know I can have a future that I will be happy with.

My Faith Journey: Part 2

Part 1

One of my clearest memories of attending church as a child was stopping at Taco Bell on the way home. Also, skipping sacrament meeting and just going for Primary. 

Each time I went to church, I picked up on little tidbits of what was right and wrong. It was always very clear that we should be going to church every week. I knew what it meant to keep the Sabbath day holy and that it wasn’t good to eat Taco Bell after church. But that’s just the way we lived. One day, my teacher was taking roll in Primary and she asked me if I attended church when I was at my mom’s house every other weekend. Eventually, I brought this up with my mom and she told me that she would take me to church, so I started going to church by myself when I was at my mom’s house. I would go to all three hours, all by myself, at a new church where I didn’t know anyone, all because I felt this desire to do what was right. I tried to participate. I memorized Articles of Faith. I sang the songs. And I continued learning what was right and wrong.

I was too scared to speak up in church. It was like a foreign language, and I was terrified of saying something wrong. Even praying made me uncomfortable because it wasn’t something I had a lot of practice with (I still don’t like being called on to pray).

When people would bear their testimonies of the truthfulness of the church and share stories about the spirit speaking to them or comforting them, I was very interested. I really believe them, believed that they knew the church was true. A small part of me wanted to feel that way.

I used to drink coffee when I was at my mom’s house. One day, we were driving to the store and we were almost out of gas and my mom was worried that she wouldn’t make it to the gas station. I prayed with all my little heart that if we made it to the gas station, I would never drink coffee again. And we made it.

When I was in seventh grade, my social studies teacher taught us that Mormons currently practice polygamy and talked about how wrong that was. I knew it wasn’t true, and it really bothered me, so I went home and read Joseph Smith History… like that has anything to do with polygamy, but whatever. That was probably my first real experience with reading the scriptures. The next day, I went up to my teacher and told her that Mormons don’t practice polygamy anymore and proceeded to tell her the story of the first vision. Awkward.

I think my parents always intended for my brother and I to grow up connected to the church in some way. When we were older, they would take us to mutual (a weeknight activity for the teenagers) and support us in anything did with church. But I didn’t have any friends. After being in this ward (congregation) for years, I still didn’t have any friends. Most of this was due to the fact that I was a super brat when I was younger and a lot of it was because I didn’t spend very much time around people from church. So I quickly learned to resent them.

I played the fun game of “These people think they’re soooo good, so I’m gonna be a rebel and act all hard core.” Believe me, I wasn’t hardcore. But I hated how good they all were, how they acted like everything was so perfect. They had family home evening, attended church with their families every week, read the scriptures and prayed, and knew all the answers to the questions. These feelings still linger to this day and I have a hard time being around super spiritual people (which makes BYU a barrel of laughs sometimes).

Stove popped popcorn

Have you ever had fresh popped popcorn? Like not from the microwave? It's pretty awesome. But when I think of popping popcorn, I generally think of an air popper, and I don't need another random kitchen appliance, thank you very much.

So imagine my surprise when I learned that you could pop popcorn on your stove. When I was in high school, I had a friend whose family made popcorn on the stove and it was de-licious. I had never had it before in my life and it really tastes a billion times better than the microwave popped popcorn, and its healthier. I fell in love with it.

When I came to college, I decided to try to make some on my own. I followed the instructions on the popcorn kernel bag and it was a fail. Time after time. I had to ask my friend's mom for a lesson and now I am professional. I introduced Greg to it, and he loves it. He is now the designated popcorn maker, and he makes it ALL THE TIME. People we've shared it with have seemed to really like it, so I figured I'd do a little post about how to make it.

For starters, you'll want a pot about this size. You can do taller, but I wouldn't go much smaller.

You'll also need oil (vegetable or canola), butter or margarine (whichever you prefer), and popcorn kernels. I haven't noticed any differences between white and yellow kernels.

Pour a flat layer of kernels into the bottom of the pan, covering the bottom of the pan. Add enough oil to coat the kernels, tilting the pan until all the kernels are covered by oil. Don't add too much oil! The oil will thin and spread when you start heating it, and the kernels will burn if you use too much oil.

Cover the pot and turn the heat on high. Eventually, some kernels will start to pop!

Every now and then, shake the pot side to side, but leave the heat on. Eventually, you will have a full pot of popcorn! Take the pot off the heat once it is full or when the popping has slowed to every few seconds. Empty the popcorn into a big bowl.

Greg and I like to use the residual heat from the coils to melt the butter/margarine (we use 2 1/2 tsp). If you have a gas stove you can use low heat. Of course the microwave is always an option.

Carefully drizzle the butter over the popcorn, stirring it in. Then salt it to taste!

Mmmmm

My Faith Journey: Part 1

{For this to make sense, you might need a briefing on my family: my parents got divorced when I was little and I grew up with my dad and stepmom. I consider all three of them - mom, dad, stepmom - my parents}

All of my parents were raised in the church, to varying degrees. I don't know all of the details of how they were raised, so a lot of this is just inferred  I think my dad's parents were not super active in the church, same with my stepmom. My mom's family was pretty classic Mormon with oodles and oodles of children who were all pretty active in the church through their young lives.

After my parents got divorced, there was a routine that my brother and I would go to my mom's house every other weekend. I do have early memories of attending church with my dad as a very young child. I can remember my dad dropping me off at nursery and telling me he would "be right back," so I would stop crying and go play. I know that we didn't attend regularly because I remember being in Primary and feeling really shy because I didn't know any of the other kids or the songs they were singing.

I was baptized when I was 8 and I had a pretty clear idea of what was expected of me. I remember trying to read my brand new set of scriptures... I started in Hebrews because Hebrew is one of the origins of my name.... big mistake!

I was aware that my family was Mormon. It wasn't until I was in about 2nd grade that I realized that not everyone was Mormon. I remember a primary program where kids got up and read stories about people making fun of them for being Mormon and how they stood up for what they believed. I was so confused because I didn't know that there were hundreds of different religions.

Even as a young child, I was aware that my family didn't live like the other families at church. One day at school, a friend told me that Mormons couldn't go to six flags. Later that week, at church, everyone was talking about how people think such weird things about Mormons, even though we're obviously just so normal, and I brought that story up - "Yeah, my friend thought that Mormons can't go to Six Flags!" As soon as I said it, my heart sank and I started to panic... maybe Mormons really aren't supposed to go to Six Flags and I just admitted something I shouldn't have. Luckily, the other girls giggled and agreed that it was silly.

I didn't like going to church. I didn't know anyone there, I didn't know my teachers, and I liked sleeping in and playing video games on Sundays. I was perfectly content to not go to church.

Grrrr....

I found this gem on facebook, with the caption, "I'd be happy to see a woman pray in General Conference. But this is ridiculous."

My wonderful friend Annette responded, " If you would really be happy to see a woman pray in general conference...then why on earth do you think this is ridiculous?"

Amen. But really... I don't understand why someone who would be happy to see women pray in General Conference would post this meme. Maybe what he meant to say is that he is indifferent to the concept of women praying in GC so he doesn't understand why some people care enough to put effort into this cause? Because if it would really make him happy to see a woman pray in conference, then he would understand that this effort is a way to help make that happen...

Later, someone responded to Annette and said that this effort is making a mountain out of a molehill.

Seriously?! Do people really think that other people just sit around, find things that aren't a big deal to them, and then put time and effort into them? Like, hmm, this doesn't seem like a very big deal, but I'm just super bored so I'm going to organize an event, make a facebook page, and put time and effort into writing several letters?????? Meh, it’s not like I have any other pressures on my time, like work, school, and relationships... might as well adopt a lame cause!

Dude. Just because this doesn't seem like a big deal to you does not mean it isn't allowed to be a big deal to anyone else. You can't tell me what is a mountain and what is a molehill. Please, define what is and isn't important to you. Try to not waste time on unimportant things and focus on what is important to you.

But don't try and tell me that something I care about is a molehill.

Let Women Pray At General Conference

A lot of members of the church are uncomfortable with anyone questioning the way things are. In a discussion with a professor at school about several aspects of the church, I was warned that asking "why" gets you in to trouble.

I don't agree with this. Not in the slightest. I believe in asking why.

On the facebook page for this event, several people have made statements like "Don't you think that if God wanted women to pray in General Conference, they would be?" Maybe you see it differently, but I see spots in our church's past that I don't think went the way that God would want them to go. Or, even less extreme, maybe some things just were never really that important to him. Can you not see how the church's position has changed over time? From the very garments we wear, to the very temple ceremonies we participate it, to becoming more accepting and loving towards homosexuals. Things change. And I think this is one of those things that can change.

One last comment - just because you might not agree with these things, don't assume that those around you who do are beneath you. Don't try to teach them the way things are supposed to be. Because, lezbe honest, in regards to these types of issues, the way you think things are supposed to be is just as much of an opinion as the way I think things should be.

Winter 2013

The first week of a semester always kills me. I inevitably question my ability to do everything that the semester will require. I feel overwhelmed and stressed and have a hard time transitioning from relaxed vacation mode to school mode. I feel like I have homework to do, but I don't want to do it, so I just sit there feeling stressed about all the homework I have to do, but not doing anything about it.

I'm particularly disliking this semester because I have senioritis, I am not really stoked about any of the classes I'm taking, and only a couple of my teachers seem very awesome. Advanced financial accounting and  advanced corporate finance... are you jealous yet? What about money & economics? You know you wish you were me! I have four classes on Monday and Wednesday, which is actually quite a doozy, so maybe I should switch to another section of one class that meets Tue/Thurs.

Luckily, my friends Jessica and Ariel got me out of the house to go see a movie. We saw Pitch Perfect and I laughed so hard. I cannot remember the last time I loved a movie so much. Jessica has seen the movie several times, and now I understand why - as soon as I left the movie, I wanted to see it again. It. Was. Hilarious. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, but if you've been considering seeing it, SEE IT.

We also saw The Hobbit... I'm not much of a Lord of the Rings fan (I have seen the first two movies and had a really hard time following what was happening), but I enjoyed the Hobbit. It was easy to follow, but I did feel like it was a little long and repetitive. They're on a journey and something bad happens, but they get out of it... then something bad happens, but they get out of it.... then something bad happens, but they get out of it... and so on

In other news, Greg just lost his 3rd phone within 6 months due to water damage. The first one was dropped in a sink full of dirty dish water, the second went through the wash (my bad), and the third was dropped into... well, let's not go there. Suffice it to say there was water damage. Add a faulty Craiglist phone to the mix, and that puts Greg at phone number 5 in about 6 months! For some reason, this just really cracks me up.

10 random things

A lighthearted post for today - 10 random facts

1. I LOVE sleeping. It is probably one of my favorite things. Greg and I usually go to sleep around 10 and wake up at 6:30 and I am still sleepy. Getting in bed and feeling all snug under the covers - probably consistently my favorite part of the day.

2. But, I don't like naps. I almost always feel gross after waking up from a nap and I would much rather go to sleep early than toss and turn all night because I took a  nap and now can't sleep.

3. I have a weird habit of not finishing food, particularly glasses of milk, bowls of cereal, and sandwiches. I'm not sure why. Just looking at the last little bit of food is not appetizing.

4. My sense of smell is strong and a little wacko. I smell everything, even smells that aren't real. I have been woken up in the morning by smells from the trash in the kitchen. I can smell when our downstairs neighbor is making bread. I always smell things that Greg doesn't smell. I'm not pregnant, but if this gets worse when I am pregnant, it's gonna be bad. Smells that don't seem to bother normal people bother me - like the smell of hair. Because of this, I don't like perfumes and sprays. They are so overpowering and give me headaches. I even smell my deodorant throughout the day and get headaches.

5. This fun fact is courtesy of my old roommate, Shelbey, who pointed out that I habitually look things up online. Like if we're sitting around talking about something, I'll look it up online to learn more about it. Ever since she pointed it out, I realize I do this ALL THE TIME. In class, hanging out with friends, chilling and watching TV. What can I say... I like to learn...?

6. I don't like to do things that other people have told me to do. This is only true in certain contexts, mainly situations where what they're telling me to do is something I already feel insecure about. Best example - visiting teaching. I really like the concept of visiting teaching, but as soon as someone reminds me to do visiting teaching or tells me to go set up an appointment, I freeze. I don't want to do it. Immature and stubborn? Yes. In other situations, I just feeling awkward doing what someone has told me to do because it feels fake and forced.

7. I despise working out. The only things I enjoy doing are ballet and swimming, but swimming is so inconvenient.

8. I am a feminist. How cliche - I went to college and became a feminist.

9. I hesitate to say this, because there is a negative connotation associated with this word, but the political party I most closely identify with is the libertarian party. Why? Because in many ways it matches how I feel about fiscal issues (free markets, etc) and social issues (legalizing gay marriage, etc)

10. The one calling I would seriously consider turning down would be to work in the nursery. I don't understand babies. My ideal calling - young women's adviser. I have a feeling that if I were called into young women's I wouldn't last long and I'd probably get in trouble for corrupting their young minds with thoughts of equality and empowerment.