Working full time is hard. So was school, but this is a different kind of hard.

In school, you have a bunch of different classes and they're all at different times. My Monday schedule was different from my Tuesday schedule. Add into that the variety of group meetings and other "extras," and each day was different. I had several hours throughout my day where I wasn't in class and could relax and read, watch tv, or catch up on homework. I was busy, but my day was very spread out and I had a lot of control over where I was and when. I could choose to skip a class and could choose when to schedule meetings and when to do homework.

Now, my day is like this: I was up at 6:30, leave at 7:20 and get to work a little before 8. Then I sit at my desk until 11 or noon, when I take my lunch break. Then I go back to my desk and sit there until 5 (There are meetings here and there, but I just go where I'm told). Then I go home, getting home around 5:40. We watch Big Bang Theory reruns and talk about our days. Tuesday is So You Think You Can Dance, Wednesday is Master Chef. I squeeze in about an hour of studying for the CPA exam (I take the first section at the end of August!) and then head to bed around 10.

I have time at home from 5:40 till 10. That's a little over 4 hours, which is a decent amount of time. But it hardly feels like any time. I am so. freaking. tired. I just feel so lazy! The last thing I want to do is even think about what is for dinner. I just want to sit on the couch and watch TV and not think about anything. Forget about cleaning anything. I get things out and don't put them away. I can't tell you how many times I've walked into the kitchen and found the mustard/eggs/milk I left out on the counter the night before. It doesn't help that our kitchen isn't visible from the living room and I hardly go in there. I can't focus on anything!

I need to figure this out. There really is no excuse for not accomplishing anything in the 4 hours I'm home at night. And let's be real, all I did at work was sit on my butt, why do I feel the need to do that all night? I think it's just that I need "me" time. I need to just do what I want to do. I have a really hard time with people imposing rigid rules on my life, and it honestly kind of hurts my spirits to have expectations of when I will arrive at and leave from work.

But I'm getting really sick of feeling like this. Sick of just wasting time... when you don't do anything, 4 whole hours feels like nothing.

Any advice from you expert full timers out there?

Doubt

Greg introduced me to the movie Doubt. It's a really good movie that is an adaptation of a play, and it has Meryl Streep in it, so hello. It is about a Catholic church/school and at the beginning of the movie, the priest gives this sermon:

What do you do when you’re not sure? That’s the topic of my sermon today.

Last year, when President Kennedy was assassinated, who among us did not experience the most profound disorientation? Despair? Which way? What now? What do I say to my kids? What do I tell myself? It was a time of people sitting together, bound together by a common feeling of hopelessness. But think of that! Your BOND with your fellow being was your Despair. It was a public experience. It was awful, but we were in it together.

 How much worse is it then for the lone man, the lone woman, stricken by a private calamity?

‘No one knows I’m sick.’

‘No one knows I’ve lost my last real friend.’

‘No one knows I’ve done something wrong.’

Imagine the isolation. Now you see the world as through a window. On one side of the glass: happy, untroubled people, and on the other side: you.

I want to tell you a story. A cargo ship sank one night. It caught fire and went down. And only this one sailor survived. He found a lifeboat, rigged a sail…and being of a nautical discipline…turned his eyes to the Heavens and read the stars. He set a course for his home, and exhausted, fell asleep. Clouds rolled in. And for the next twenty nights, he could no longer see the stars. He thought he was on course, but there was no way to be certain. And as the days rolled on, and the sailor wasted away, he began to have doubts. Had he set his course right? Was he still going on towards his home? Or was he horribly lost… and doomed to a terrible death? No way to know. The message of the constellations - had he imagined it because of his desperate circumstance? Or had he seen truth once… and now had to hold on to it without further reassurance? 

There are those of you in church today who know exactly the crisis of faith I describe. And I want to say to you:DOUBT can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost, you are not alone.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

When Greg, my dad, and I were en route to Omaha, I expressed how excited I was to be heading somewhere that had real storms. Storms (and trees) are what I miss about Georgia - Utah just doesn't do real storms! I love the thunder, the lightning, the pouring rain, the wind (as long as I'm safe inside, of course). I love the sound, the smell, and the look of a good storm.

It has apparently been a very wet summer for Omaha. Last year there was a drought and this year there is a surplus of rain. It feels like every other day is a storm! I'm not complaining though - I've only had to drive through it once and have yet to have to walk through it. We've had evening storms where we've been able to open the window to listen to the rain and thunder and I've sat in front of the window, mesmerized by the lightning and vicious wind. I'm on the 18th floor at work, so when there are day time storms, I can see the sheets of rain being blown by the wind and the lightning arcing to the ground. It is legit.

No matter where you live, people are convinced that "*fill in the blank state* has the worst drivers." I'll hand it to you that people in Provo are terrible drivers, but that has way more to do with the fact that it is an overly congested college town than that it is in Utah. Let's be real - no matter where you live, people suck at driving and they're all a bunch of idiots. Nebraska is no exception. I've noticed one particular trend out here - people don't hesitate to pull out in front of you, even if it means you will have to slam on your brakes for them. People are also very comfortable driving vastly below the speed limit (we're talking 10 under). And they are really slow about changing lanes... like they'll straddle the line for a solid 10 seconds

Nebraskans like to hate on Iowans. I've actually only heard people bring this up a few times, but it makes me laugh. They have acronyms for IOWA - Idiots Out Wandering Around and I Owe the World an Apology are the best I've heard. It makes me laugh that pretty much any other state in the country would turn their nose up at Nebraska, and then Nebraska turns its nose up at Iowa.