Friday, June 14, 2013

New Girl

When we first left Provo, I was craving a fresh start, a new scene. There wasn't anything particularly wrong with the old scene... it had just been my scene for a while. I moved to Provo in 2008. I was excited to see some new things.

But I have to admit... I don't like being new. I don't like not having any friends. I don't like not knowing anyone. I don't know how to act around people that I don't know. I don't know how to be myself. I am so, so, so quiet around people I don't know.

My goal in this new phase has just been to be upbeat, friendly, positive, and kind. To smile at people that I see and ask them how they are doing. To at least attend social events, even if I feel uncomfortable. And I've been doing that. But I still feel like I haven't connected with anyone, and despite my constant efforts to be someone that people want to be around, I feel like no one really wants to be around me. Not that they dislike me... just that they aren't terribly interested in me.

I feel so boring and different. At church, I'm way younger than everyone else and I don't have any kids. I'm a woman who is focusing on her career - weird. At work, I'm married, don't drink, and didn't belong to a sorority. I try to attend all the social functions but just end up silently listening while everyone tells their stories of drunken escapades and sorority drama. Compared to that, I am boring!

I envy those people who are so warm and open and make friends easily. I am such a private person and I rarely open up about my life, and I can see why that would make people be disinterested in me. I think about the person I am around my friends: goofy, hyper, cheesy, opinionated... yet I find myself just disappearing at work. Silent. Friendly. Boring.


  1. Though your disposition in a new environment is perhaps more reserved than others, you are still just as wonderful a person as always.

    You and Greg have made important decisions together so take joy in knowing you are where you are supposed to be.
    Though you may feel the decisions you've made might differ from others in similar situations, they are nonetheless valid and right for you!

    I too was ready to leave the Provo scene but in the last few months I've been away, I've realized what was missing in social settings: common ground.

    Hoping things brighten up!

  2. It can be hard to make friends when you don't have much common ground. Here are a few things I've noticed in moving all over the place in the last ten or so years:

    1) Places have personalities. Even different neighborhoods in Utah can feel very different from each other. Some places' personalities work better for me than others'.

    2) Despite #1, there have people people I've been able to connect with at some level in almost every place I've lived in. I find myself saying, "Everyone here is X, and I'm not, so I can't fit in," and then I'll find that there are people who aren't X, or are something that I am, even if they are X, and if I don't give up and keep meeting people, I find them.

    3. Making a good acquaintance/budding friendship takes at least six months. I usually start panicking about not knowing anybody at month 2 or 3 after moving.

    4. Visiting teaching and home teaching are inspired programs. The place we had the hardest time fitting in, we weren't visit or home taught. It's not that you necessarily become best friends with your VTs or HTs, but at least you know them a little, and you have the security to branch out and make other friends from there, or they can introduce you to their friends, or whatever.

    5. I do a lot better in small groups. Callings, book clubs, play groups, choir practice, etc., help to shrink the size of the group so I can get to know just a few people at a time.

    6. I've made friends with people of all age groups. For some reason, I tend to click with women 80 years old and up. They don't replace my friends my age, but they are special to me too.

    As for meeting people at work, it sounds difficult. Is there anyone older than you who isn't doing the party/sorority scene?

    Also, I miss you guys. Are you coming to the camping trip in July?