I’ve been in a blogging funk lately. The things I really
want to talk about are too hard to put into words – and I’m kind of afraid of
people reading them.
A lot of my thoughts have surrounded the church (Brother
Bott, the role of women, the “perfect” nature of the church, the temple) – I’m
afraid to share my thoughts on these because I don’t want people to question my
testimony… and, more importantly, I don’t want to cause others to start
questioning theirs. I’ve read blogs written by people who express their
frustration with the church, and they have really made me reevaluate how I see
things. There have been moments of darkness, doubt, and frustration. I’ve had
to come up with my own ideas and beliefs about what is true – and I know those beliefs
don’t sync up perfectly with what I’m “supposed” to believe, or with what I’ve
been told to believe. I’m grateful for the chance I’ve had to take that journey
and really challenge what I believe, because it has reassured me that the
church is true, even if I see some things differently. I know that the church
helps people become better and I know that what we believe about God is true
and I know it’s where I should be. But what if others go down that path and it leads
them away? I don’t really want to be the person who causes other people to
doubt.
So, for now, I’ll avoid that topic, unless something (someone)
convinces me otherwise.
Another thing I want to talk about is my experiences with
Ernst &Young, but I’m avoiding writing about that out of fear that someone
from work will see. What good is blogging when you can’t say what you want to
say?
