My last post was about my internship interviews. Everyone was so impressed that I got interviews with these big national companies. I was pretty impressed myself, especially cuz Denver is a pretty small, competitive market. I've been planning on doing an internship in Denver this summer for about a year now. I've mentioned it to it to people like it was a fact. Because, in my mind, it was. Everyone gets an internship. They practically throw themselves at you. So I wasn't really worried about it. I applied for three of the five firms, so that I wouldn't be overwhelmed. One that I applied for decided not to do a summer internship program, so it was down to two.

When I was out in Denver, I thought to myself "I just don't know how I'll choose between these to firms! I really like both of them."


Well, lucky me! No need to choose. Not only did I get rejected from Deloitte, I also got rejected from Ernst and Young. Well, it's still kind of on the line with them. They sent out their first round of offers, and depending on how many people turn the offers down, I could have a chance. But I'm not counting on it.

I feel like such a loser. Everyone else is getting multiple internship offers. I couldn't even get one. I did my best. I was friendly and myself. I've worked my butt off in school. For what? My plans are totally screwed up.

I can still apply for these firms for a full time position next year. But what am I supposed to do this summer? I had this all planned out. I already put so much effort into this plan, and it's so frustrating to have to start over.

I feel so mediocre. Like I never excel at anything. In ballet, I was there everyday and still got shafted and got crappy parts. Summer fairy in Cinderella? Have you ever seen a more boring part? Especially comparing myself to the girls who danced that part the last time we did Cinderella... yeah apparently I really sucked. I was sugarplum but that's like the easiest lead part ever, you hardly do anything. There are other lead parts that like carry the whole show, like Cinderella or Aurora or even Ariel in Little Mermaid or Wendy in Peter Pan. Nothing.

When I applied to be an RA, I didn't even get the job at first. I only got it because someone else bailed and I had gone to the office to talk to them about it so they knew I wanted it.

I suck at making friends. I'm not crafty or a good decorator or a good cook. I'm not immensely spiritual. I'm not saving the world by going to Africa and helping people. I'm not athletic. I'm just mediocre.

The only thing I'm good at is school. Maybe I should just be a student for the rest of my life.