Let Women Pray At General Conference

A lot of members of the church are uncomfortable with anyone questioning the way things are. In a discussion with a professor at school about several aspects of the church, I was warned that asking "why" gets you in to trouble.

I don't agree with this. Not in the slightest. I believe in asking why.

On the facebook page for this event, several people have made statements like "Don't you think that if God wanted women to pray in General Conference, they would be?" Maybe you see it differently, but I see spots in our church's past that I don't think went the way that God would want them to go. Or, even less extreme, maybe some things just were never really that important to him. Can you not see how the church's position has changed over time? From the very garments we wear, to the very temple ceremonies we participate it, to becoming more accepting and loving towards homosexuals. Things change. And I think this is one of those things that can change.

One last comment - just because you might not agree with these things, don't assume that those around you who do are beneath you. Don't try to teach them the way things are supposed to be. Because, lezbe honest, in regards to these types of issues, the way you think things are supposed to be is just as much of an opinion as the way I think things should be.

Winter 2013

The first week of a semester always kills me. I inevitably question my ability to do everything that the semester will require. I feel overwhelmed and stressed and have a hard time transitioning from relaxed vacation mode to school mode. I feel like I have homework to do, but I don't want to do it, so I just sit there feeling stressed about all the homework I have to do, but not doing anything about it.

I'm particularly disliking this semester because I have senioritis, I am not really stoked about any of the classes I'm taking, and only a couple of my teachers seem very awesome. Advanced financial accounting and  advanced corporate finance... are you jealous yet? What about money & economics? You know you wish you were me! I have four classes on Monday and Wednesday, which is actually quite a doozy, so maybe I should switch to another section of one class that meets Tue/Thurs.

Luckily, my friends Jessica and Ariel got me out of the house to go see a movie. We saw Pitch Perfect and I laughed so hard. I cannot remember the last time I loved a movie so much. Jessica has seen the movie several times, and now I understand why - as soon as I left the movie, I wanted to see it again. It. Was. Hilarious. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, but if you've been considering seeing it, SEE IT.

We also saw The Hobbit... I'm not much of a Lord of the Rings fan (I have seen the first two movies and had a really hard time following what was happening), but I enjoyed the Hobbit. It was easy to follow, but I did feel like it was a little long and repetitive. They're on a journey and something bad happens, but they get out of it... then something bad happens, but they get out of it.... then something bad happens, but they get out of it... and so on

In other news, Greg just lost his 3rd phone within 6 months due to water damage. The first one was dropped in a sink full of dirty dish water, the second went through the wash (my bad), and the third was dropped into... well, let's not go there. Suffice it to say there was water damage. Add a faulty Craiglist phone to the mix, and that puts Greg at phone number 5 in about 6 months! For some reason, this just really cracks me up.

10 random things

A lighthearted post for today - 10 random facts

1. I LOVE sleeping. It is probably one of my favorite things. Greg and I usually go to sleep around 10 and wake up at 6:30 and I am still sleepy. Getting in bed and feeling all snug under the covers - probably consistently my favorite part of the day.

2. But, I don't like naps. I almost always feel gross after waking up from a nap and I would much rather go to sleep early than toss and turn all night because I took a  nap and now can't sleep.

3. I have a weird habit of not finishing food, particularly glasses of milk, bowls of cereal, and sandwiches. I'm not sure why. Just looking at the last little bit of food is not appetizing.

4. My sense of smell is strong and a little wacko. I smell everything, even smells that aren't real. I have been woken up in the morning by smells from the trash in the kitchen. I can smell when our downstairs neighbor is making bread. I always smell things that Greg doesn't smell. I'm not pregnant, but if this gets worse when I am pregnant, it's gonna be bad. Smells that don't seem to bother normal people bother me - like the smell of hair. Because of this, I don't like perfumes and sprays. They are so overpowering and give me headaches. I even smell my deodorant throughout the day and get headaches.

5. This fun fact is courtesy of my old roommate, Shelbey, who pointed out that I habitually look things up online. Like if we're sitting around talking about something, I'll look it up online to learn more about it. Ever since she pointed it out, I realize I do this ALL THE TIME. In class, hanging out with friends, chilling and watching TV. What can I say... I like to learn...?

6. I don't like to do things that other people have told me to do. This is only true in certain contexts, mainly situations where what they're telling me to do is something I already feel insecure about. Best example - visiting teaching. I really like the concept of visiting teaching, but as soon as someone reminds me to do visiting teaching or tells me to go set up an appointment, I freeze. I don't want to do it. Immature and stubborn? Yes. In other situations, I just feeling awkward doing what someone has told me to do because it feels fake and forced.

7. I despise working out. The only things I enjoy doing are ballet and swimming, but swimming is so inconvenient.

8. I am a feminist. How cliche - I went to college and became a feminist.

9. I hesitate to say this, because there is a negative connotation associated with this word, but the political party I most closely identify with is the libertarian party. Why? Because in many ways it matches how I feel about fiscal issues (free markets, etc) and social issues (legalizing gay marriage, etc)

10. The one calling I would seriously consider turning down would be to work in the nursery. I don't understand babies. My ideal calling - young women's adviser. I have a feeling that if I were called into young women's I wouldn't last long and I'd probably get in trouble for corrupting their young minds with thoughts of equality and empowerment.

Retirement v. College Savings

I found an article on Yahoo! finance today called "Just Explain It: Retirement vs College Savings." I think that most of the people who read this blog are in still currently in college themselves, but this could become relevant to you in the near future.

Not all families choose to or are able to save for their children's education, but some can and do (this also applies to saving for LDS missions). This is something very important you should discuss with your spouse/future spouse. People tend to feel very strongly on this topic - some insist that their children should not have to worry about money while they are in school, others insist that their children need to pave their own way.

Those parents who do decide to save for their children's education have to face an important trade off between saving for retirement and saving for education.

No matter what, saving for retirement should be your #1 priority. I know that's a bold statement, but I really can't think of an instance when saving for your children's future is more important than saving for your own. That sounds really selfish, but think about it -

Your children need to learn how to save for what they want. They need to understand that things are not simply handed to you in life. They need to learn that they are adults now and their decisions are their responsibility. On top of teaching life lessons, your children have way more resources and options available to them for education than you do for retirement. Your children can take out student loans that they will have the rest of their lives to pay off. Your children can choose a less expensive college. They can work during school and during the summers. Your children have a much lower level of expenditures than you do. You, on the other hand, have a limited number of years before retirement. The more you save and the earlier you start, the better off you will be. I'll tell you right now, social security isn't going to cut it for most people. If you want to maintain your current lifestyle, if you want to travel and spend time with your grandkids,you need to save for retirement.

If you do decide to save for children's education, don't sacrifice your retirement savings. And please, for heaven's sake, don't go into debt to pay for your children's education. Remember, your children are adults when they go to college. Help them out if you want to, but don't hurt your financial future in the process. Remember, you have a limited number of years before retirement - you don't need to be spending those years paying down debt, you need to be spending it continuing to save for retirement.

Coming up next: Saving for Retirement - The Low Down

The Line

OK, I'm ready to consult with the masses. Remember this blog post about being a woman in the accounting program? I mentioned some stories about male BYU students being super weird (verging on creepy)? This story is the one I want to talk about:

"In public accounting, you are usually assigned to a peer mentor who is a couple years ahead of you who can help answer your questions and is basically there to help you succeed. Apparently one student told his female peer mentor that No, he couldn't go out to lunch with her, because he is married and shouldn't be alone with other women. How. Awkward."

I want to know your thoughts on this situation, and on this general theme. I've heard men my age talk about how their parents have advised them to never be alone with a women. I think it's incredibly important to be careful in your relationships with members of the opposite sex because there is a real risk of developing feelings and making poor choices. But how does this apply in the workplace? Where is the line between being appropriate and inappropriate? Where is the line between being appropriate and being weird?

Personally, I think some people are way too intense in walking the line between appropriate and inappropriate. Naturally, you don't want to get anywhere close to "Inappropriate," but do you have to be so perfectly "appropriate" that you are pushing people away and making people uncomfortable and just being awkward?

Are you comfortable with the idea of having a business lunch with a member of the opposite sex? What about a lighthearted lunch with your supervisor to discuss your adjustment to your new job?

Can you be friends with members of the opposite sex at work? Can this friendship extend to getting lunch sometimes? If you say that's inappropriate, then is it appropriate to eat lunch in the break room together? Is it ok to talk at your cubicles?

How do you personally handle the "line"?

For me, the way to stay on the "appropriate" side of the line is as follows: Never bad mouth Greg to anyone, especially other men. Don't vent to them when I'm upset with Greg. Don't share deeply personal emotions with other men. Other than that, don't flirt with other men. Be nice and willing to talk and develop friendships. Other than that, I don't do anything I would be uncomfortable with Greg doing or that I would be uncomfortable with Greg knowing I was doing.

I am comfortable going to a business lunch with a mentor or supervisor of the opposite sex. I'm comfortable grabbing lunch from time to time with coworkers of the opposite sex. I'm not ok with the idea of me having a buddy at work that I'm always going out to lunch with, just the two of us. For me, I feel like if people know I'm married and know that I'm very happily married, that will be speak volumes in defining my relationships with my male coworkers. 

Now it's your turn. Men and women, married and unmarried, business professionals and students, moms and dads, employed and unemployed, etc. Where do you draw the line?

The Knee

Want to hear how I dislocated my knee cap? It was pretty sick.

It was the last combination of class on a day when I considered skipping ballet. It was a really fun combination and I was feeling good. I landed a tour jete on my right leg (like this). In ballet, we always turn out our feet and for some reason, even though I've done hundreds of tour jetes in my life, my toes ended up facing one way and my knee bent the other way and snap!.... Oh my gosh, it was so gross and it hurt so bad. At first, i thought I had broken my leg. All I knew was that I had landed on it and it bent the wrong way and it felt like it snapped. I couldn't even look at my knee because it looked deformed. I was such a little freaker outer.

Luckily BYU has an awesome athletic training room just for the dance department and the athletic trainer was nearby and came and put my knee cap back in place and then took me to the training room to look at it, ice it down, and wrap it up. I almost passed out several times because I'm a baby and have zero pain tolerance (I'm gonna be such a joke at delivering children). I went to the doctor and got a fancy schmancy knee brace that makes me look super hard core.

The first few days were rough, mostly emotionally challenging. I would limp around school all day and then come home and get so frustrated trying to navigate our small apartment, with my knee felling so unsteady and feeling so scared of it happening again. I hated asking Greg for every little thing, but at the same time, getting on and off the couch took forever each and every time.

I'm still gimpy. I can only bend my knee between 60 and 90 degrees. I'm supposed to start physical therapy but couldn't get an appointment until the end of this coming week. At this point, it hurts when I try to bend it and randomly every now and then for no apparent reason. It could be a lot worse - no crutches, no surgery, just a limp!

My cute little knee! This was before the doctor drained it - sick!

My Family

The Family: A Proclamation to the World is a document that Mormons frequently refer to in their definition of what a family should be. There are a lot of parts of the proclamation that I like. I think families are extremely important. That being said, there are some parts of the proclamation that rub me the wrong way and that I just choose not to think about. There are other parts that actually don't bother me until people  interpret them very boldly and imply that their interpretation is the true interpretation.

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."

Here's the thing: I don't believe in assigned roles. I don't believe that as a woman, I have a designated role in our family. I don't believe that Greg has a designated role in our family. That's not to say Greg and I haven't taken on different roles in our marriage. I generally cook and do the laundry. Greg does the dishes and folds the laundry. We both clean. We grocery shop together. This works for us. I'm positive that the roles we have adopted will change over time. If I find myself as a stay at home mom one day, I'm guessing I will take on the laundry and most of the cleaning. But the key point is that these aren't our roles based on being a man or a woman. These are roles that we have adapted for ourselves based on our situation, our personalities, our schedules, etc.

I've heard people be so bold as to say "The role of a mother and father are completely separate, but equally important." Completely separate? So... a father shouldn't worry about nurturing his kids at all? A wife should never help provide for the family? Sorry kids, a burglar broke into our house, but I can't protect you because that's your dad's role. What the heck?!

I've always interpreted this clause as follows: "Children need to be taken care of. They must be provided for and protected. They must be nurtured. This is best accomplished when these responsibilities are shared between two parents."And, if you don't mind, I'll continue interpreting it this way.

Let me just conclude by saying this - just because you grew up in a family that did things one way and just because you want your future family to be that way does not mean that it is the only acceptable way to have a family. Just because your mom didn't work and was there to greet you with cookies on the table when you came home from high school does not mean every mom needs or wants to do that. Just because your mom was nurturing does not mean that every women is a sensitive ball of nurturing-ness. I just wish people would step back and open their eyes up to the fact that there are tons of good families, in the world and in the church, that each independently decide what works for them. There is not only one acceptable family.

As always, comments are appreciated, but don't be rude or patronizing.