A guy I went to high school with posted this awful video about modesty (The Evolution of the Swimsuit), with a hearty "This is FANTASTIC! I encourage everyone, especially young women, to take time to watch this video and share it with their friends. What this woman says is not opinion; it is truth! How will you use your beauty?" First of all, eww I hate men telling women what they need to watch especially when it's like "Hey womenfolk! Listen up! I'm a man, which means I'm a huge perv! If you don't believe me, just watch this video, it will help you really understand how pervy I am!!" ... Do you people realize how you sound?
Anyways, I commented "I did not like this video. The more we reinforce this idea that men can't control themselves and women need to be accountable for men's 'animalistic nature', the more that becomes true. How insulting is that to men? "You are nothing more than your instincts, so we need to make sure women are aware of that and take responsibility for you." We can't keep blaming women for men's poor actions. We are all accountable for our own decisions and the focus needs to be on making men responsible for their own responses, not women."
Some random guy I don't know commented later and said, "I am a man and I am not offended at all. I loved it. I feel like I am very in control of myself; I am not in control of which lobe of my brain is activated when I see something, though. If women want to stop being objectified, they need to stop making themselves an object."
I didn't feel like getting into an argument about how much of an idiot he probably is (I considered something along the lines of "I guess I just hold the men in my life to a higher standard... you know, different than the standard I would hold a dog to," but decided against it. I'm not a fan of internet arguing. But I did take BIG issue with one part of his comment: "If women want to stop being objectified, they need to stop making themselves an object." Uhhh... WHAT?! So a women who dresses immodestly... BAM OBJECT.
Do people not realize that this approach to modesty lessons incites this type of reaction? "I'm a man, I'm ruled by my penis, women are objects." Uh... hey buddy, you're dragging your knuckles a little. And did you really just eat a fly out of your friends hair? Because that's what this type of crap makes you sound like - an unevolved animal. This guy literally just excused anything a man does to a woman, if she was 'making herself an object.'
So I commented back "Women are never objects, no matter what they are wearing. A woman could *never* make herself into an object."
A little later I hear a ping from a facebook notification... sure enough, it's this guy. As I clicked on the link to see his response, I was expecting something like "OK that wasn't the best wording, you know what I mean." So I imagine my surprise when I saw:
"Disagree."
Oh. My. Gosh. I about peed my pants. What an a-hole. How can people think this????? How can people be OK with this? Do they not hear themselves?
Every time a modesty lesson like this is taught, there is one more tally in the "it's women's fault" column, rather than the "I am accountable for my own actions" column. I'm sure men are also getting that reminder, but they're hearing this crap far more often. Cut it out!
First off it is never ever the women's fault if she is objectified or assaulted or raped based on what she is wearing and I agree with you that it is disgusting that any blame is ever put on the women. Men should be able to control themselves based on how they act. I do however think modesty is not a bad thing because it allows me to show my Heavenly Father respect for my body. I also know how much my Heavenly Father loves and respects me and so I choose to dress with class and dignity. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that often the point of modesty is wrongly pointed out as saying it's for the men, when really what should be pointed out is do it for yourself.
ReplyDeleteI agree that modesty is a good thing and it's totally about respect for our own bodies. I don't think we can ignore the impressions we make on others based on how we dress, but when we put so much focus on how "men can't help how they respond," and make modesty all about men's sexuality, it sends a terrible message! Thanks for commenting!
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ReplyDeleteI agree Megan, I think it is irresponsible for men to blame women for their thoughts. "For as he thinketh in his heart; so is he" (Proverbs 23:7)
ReplyDeleteIt is true that an immodestly dressed women can "invite" this kind of thinking but ultimately, we have control over and will be judged by our thoughts! "Our words will condemn us, yea, all our works will condemn us; ...and our thoughts will also condemn us" (Alma 12:14)
Also, to objectify a woman is totally up to the objectifier, not the woman.
I remember my mission president told me a story, about how he was at the grocery store and saw an immodest women on a magazine. He had a hard time controlling his thoughts and after he got home, he got on his knees and apologized to heavenly father for letting his mind wander. What a humble man, to admit that it was his fault for what his mind did. True women can "help" men out in this issue but lets place the blame where blame is due!
Is it hard to control thoughts? Absolutely. Boyd K. Packer said it would be THE most difficult challenge we have to face in mortality. So instead of blaming our struggles on others, lets just try to be a little better every day!
On the other side of the coin however, I have wondered if some (not all!) women choose to use their bodies as a way to have control in a male-dominated society. They perhaps want to be "objectified" as a way to feel empowered? Worshiped? Given attention? When I think back to high school I can recall those girls who liked to be "hot".
Just an idea but Megan but maybe you can enlighten me on this. It's just a thought and I am a man!
I completely agree Taylor. I've thought a lot about modesty recently because I have a little baby girl. I want to teach her to be modest to respect what God gave her. I agree with Megan that we should hold men to a higher standard. I feel like in the last 50 years, men have been continually portrayed as bumbling idiots who are controlled by their sexual desires. Men can be much better than that and I'm glad that I have a husband who understands he's in control of his own thoughts and actions. I also agree with Davey that some women misuse their body to intentionally objectify it and use it to feel empowered. How hot their body is becomes more important than how kind, fun, intelligent, witty, etc. they could be. Modesty has everything to do with the woman's intent and feeling toward herself.
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