Monday, September 26, 2011

Lately I've been noticing a lot of groups of friends that surround me. I look at pictures on my friend's facebooks and I see them living with the same people for the last couple of years, or doing fun things with the same group of people- with their friends. And it makes me realize that I have spent three full years in college and I don't have any friends.

<This is not meant to be a whiney post, and I am not seeking pity>

The friends I have made in college have faded over time. Between dating boys and being busy with school, I haven't really done much to maintain some friendships. The closest friends I've made in college have been my sophomore roommates and my CA co-workers.

Out of my sophomore roommates, one already has her own group of close friends, one is now on a mission, and one has shown zero interest in staying friends. When school started after the summer I was a CA, I was so busy with the Junior Core that I could never hang out with any of them. So they all became better friends without me. Now when I try to join in on that friend group, I feel awkward, cuz it's not my friend group anymore. I feel like an intruder.

I've never made friends in my classes. I don't have that group of friends who I've always lived with and always hung out with. I look around and see all these people who meet up for breakfast or lunch on campus, who do fun things together like mud races and warrior dashes and gallery strolls and Zumba and dance parties, or even just a silly night of roommate fun.

Why don't I have any friends? I really don't know how to make friends. I have a hard time relating to people. A while ago I posted a personality test I took which told me I am disagreeable. We learned in class that disagreeable people don't like fake people and don't like not being able to be themselves.

Maybe I'm just weird; I've learned that when I try to talk to the people around me in class and when I joke and am myself, they don't like me. They don't get me. They never try to talk back to me. So I've given up on that. It takes me a while to feel comfortable enough around people to be myself and I'm so boring when I'm not myself- naturally no one wants to be around me. I hate that awkward time where I'm not comfortable enough around people to be myself, so I avoid ever being in that position. That means never stepping outside of my comfort zone to make new friends.

Obviously being married means that I wouldn't have girl roommates and giggle fests or whatever girls do when they hang out. This is more of a reflection on my lack of friend-making pre-marriage. And trust me, the making friends thing isn't any easier once you're married.


  1. Well, yes and no. One thing I found is that as soon as I was married, friendly conversations with guys started happening more often. The dating card was off the table, so we could relax and just enjoy talking like normal people.

    I also wouldn't worry too much about not keeping college friends. Honestly, I've only really kept in touch with one college friend, and she is a really special friend. I've kept in partial touch with another friend who I felt fairly close to in college too. I'm Facebook friends with some others, but mostly because I'm curious what they're up to, not because I want to stay in close contact with them (or them with me).

    I think there are two types of friends: the ones you can make anywhere and feel reasonably comfortable around, and the ones, in Ann of Green Gables's words, who are "bosom friends." The former I can make everywhere I go, pretty much, and feel happy around but don't stay in contact with after I move away. The latter I'll stay in contact with forever. I have four of the latter, so they're pretty rare.

    But maybe I'm "disagreeable" like you. I don't like being around people who aren't themselves and don't know who they are.

  2. megan! you do have friends! i think it is just that your relationship with your friends is different than other people's so when you compare them it doesn't seem like you have any. everyone thinks that i have a ton of friends, but this summer i really felt like i had none at all. and even though we don't talk all the time or do stuff together a ton, i consider you one of my good friends! also, my key to making friends is just pretending that you are best friends with them and then make sure you tell them that you are friends. okay, this comment is sounding stupider and stupider... but just remember that you don't really need very many other friends because you are one lucky duck to have greg!

  3. Ditto to everything Rochelle said. Except, I do believe that it is important to have friends outside of a relationship, but what would I know about that?

    Also, at this point I'd like to mention a few things: Firstly, Rochelle and I weren't friends for a few months while we were CAs. We just acted like we were. It works.

    And... a little secret. The CAs don't all hang out without you. In fact, I usually only hang out with everyone one on one. The exception is that I'm taking Zumba with Megan and Annette. Well, and I don't hang out with Ariel alone. I just don't.

    P.S. I still want to cook with you. Also, this wasn't a pity comment. I don't believe in those.

  4. Sounds a little lonely Megan, which is such an awful feeling, I'm sorry. I would love to get people together! I've never been very good at staying in contact with my female friends once they get married, afraid of the husbands I guess,haha. I hope I get to see you guys soon!