The other day, I read a viewpoint in the Daily Universe called "Marriage Matters" (you can read it here). The premise of the article is that marriage is not easy and it takes hard work and even happy couples have hard times. I'm not sure why, but these types of articles and statements really bother me. I feel like they're always written or said by people who are trying to be like "See, I'm not some silly little girl who thinks marriage is all fun and easy! I'm going to prove it to you by telling you all about how hard marriage is." It's like when you ask someone how they enjoy being married and they respond with, "It's hard," because they don't want to seem cliche. Who knows, maybe some of these people legitimately struggle with marriage, but I feel like the "It's hard" response is just as cliche as the "It's wonderful" response.
Here's the thing: everything in life is hard. Being in high school and living at home is hard. Being single is hard. Dating is hard. Break-ups are hard. School is hard. Exercising is hard. Life is hard. When people ask me, "How's ballet?" I don't say "It's good, but it's really hard." Or, "How's being alive?" "Well, it's really hard, but it's good too." So I don't understand why people feel the need to emphasize that marriage is hard. What isn't? Do people really expect pure bliss upon getting married? I guess if you expect marriage to be easier than anything else you've experienced in life, you're in for a rude awakening and will probably focus on how hard marriage is. But I feel like any normal person with reasonable expectations who marries someone they are compatible with and who is equally committed to their relationship will far prefer marriage over being single.
Yes, I realize I'm naive and inexperienced in the world of marriage, but I've honestly had people tell me they think the first year of marriage is the hardest. How is that even possible when most of the stress of a marriage doesn't even begin to accumulate until later in life? Some people have told me how hard it was to adjust to being married. I'm definitely not some incredibly laid back, easy going person who just adapts to new surroundings like it's nothing, nor am I the easiest person to live with or get along with, yet Greg and I had no issues adjusting to marriage.
There are things that I miss about being single, and I acknowledge that there are certain aspects of my life and certain decisions that are now much more difficult because I'm married. But let's be real. I love someone for everything he is, and he loves me. I can be completely insane around him, I can fart
Sure, marriage isn't total joy, smiles, and bliss 24/7/365. But the first word I would use to describe it is definitely not "hard."
To be fair, I think the people who describe marriage as hard probably didn't marry someone they're as compatible with as you are with Greg. Heck, most people probably don't marry someone quite as right for them as you did. And a lot of people are really selfish. Marriage either demands that you become less selfish or else blows up in your face. Becoming less selfish is hard, but fighting all the time with someone you love(d) is harder.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, after I wrote this, I was like well duh, I'm not super easygoing but Greg sure is! I think that helps A TON. I can see how different personalities coming together could lead to more strife. Even compatible people who work hard at their marriage will have strife
DeleteMarriage certainly can be hard at times, but I wouldn't describe it as simply "hard" either. Also, I completely don't understand people who say that the first year is the hardest. I thought the first was the easiest, and I had no trouble adjusting to marriage.
ReplyDeleteI think it gets harder when the warm glow of twitterpation starts to fade away, and I think a lot of people aren't prepared for that. They're used to the smooth sailing of courtship and the honeymoon phase, and then they don't know how to handle it when things get rough. So I think that's where the "marriage is hard" crowd is coming from.
But for me, the important thing is that marriage takes work. But that's part of what makes it good.
I think you are very right, and Greg and I are obviously still in the honeymoon phase and are babies in the grand scheme of eternity, so my analysis of marriage will be different from many people's just based on that factor alone. But no matter what stage you're at or who you are, marriage will take work and their will be hard times. But that's inevitable in life no matter what your relationship status, so I guess that's what bugs me about people dogging on marriage
DeleteI LOVE THIS.
ReplyDeleteI think it's cliche to ask how married life is, or some variation of the sort. For real? What kind of question is that? It's the kind of question you ask when you realize you don't have anything of interest between you and the person you're talking to.
ReplyDelete