Monday, December 12, 2011

Hockey Fans

I've attended a few of Greg's hockey games, enough to know my way around being a hockey fan. Who cares about the rules when you can just scream mean and angry phrases all night? Here's a beginner's guide:

- When a player from the opposite team slips and falls on the ice, yell something demeaning like "Hey, nice twirl!" or "Ooooh, you're so pretty!"

- When a player from the opposite team gets anywhere near a guy on your team ( I mean anywhere near), start accusing the enemy player of pushing or checking. Make sure you're screaming at the top of your lungs. This tends to get some players frustrated, and maybe they will start pushing and checking later and get a penalty. *Note: Greg's league is non-contact, so they're not allowed to push or check. In a "real" hockey game, this would be pointless - everyone is pushing and checking. See below.

- When your team has the puck and a person from the other team is trying to swipe it away, yell threatening things like "Punch him!" or "Throw him on the ground!" *In Greg's league, they wouldn't actually be able to do this and get away with it, but it's fun to yell!

- Along with the above, when a player from the opposite team does get a penalty, voice your opinion about how dirty you think he is. "Get in the box you creep!"

- When a player from the other team has the puck and winds up for a powerful shot and then misses the puck, make him feel like a real loser. Phrases like "Nice hit!" or even a simple "You suck!" do the trick quite nicely.

- Of course, make generic comments about defense and offense, at the appropriate times. When they're near your goalie, cheer for the defense. When they're on the other side, encourage their offense. Who cares what's really going on.

- And last but not least, yell embarrassing comments at the goalie like "Wow, Greg is such a hottie!" The best way to embarrass him is to cheer for him when the play is nowhere near him

Well there you go! Now... come to Greg's hockey game next Monday! It's at 9 pm and they're playing Vivint, who is the jerk team they played a couple weeks ago where Greg got a penalty for throwing a puck at someone and Greg's brother, Nathan, punched a guy. We had a really loud crowd for the last game and it's looking like we'll have some good fans for this one too! So come! It will be fun!

What a hunk!

1 comment:

  1. I think I might just come. It sounds like a blast.

    (I take it these are all things that have actually happened at hockey games?)