School

There is something beautiful about being back at BYU. I don't feel a super close connection to BYU as an institution (I haven't gotten super involved since I've been here, and many administrative and cultural aspects of BYU kind of irk me), but there's something so familiar about this area and campus. I've been here almost four years - Provo is now more familiar to me than my hometown. Driving around town, I feel like I know where I am going. I can anticipate the stupid things other drivers and pedestrians will do. I know the back roads and shortcuts. I know what roads to avoid and where there is good parking. After spending a semester feeling like nothing I ever did was good enough and kind of wading with no real direction, I am so glad to be back at BYU doing what I do best - school.

I love school. Yeah, I complain about the work from time to time. But I love learning. I love being busy. I love being challenged and succeeding. I love being in charge of my own schedule - at school I know exactly what I need to do and when it needs to be done by. I can prioritize my work and decide what I want to work on and when I want to do it. If I need to run errands, I don't need anyone's permission. If I want to take a break, there's no one stopping me. I can study at home, on the couch, with no pants on. I can be home to make dinner and eat with Greg. At school, my life is my life. If I feel like someone/something is intruding on that, I have the power to put my foot down and do something about it.

I've heard so many students talk about how they can't wait to be done with school and start working. No homework. Getting paid. No textbooks. I used to feel the same way. But when I was with E&Y this past summer, I missed school so much. I'm good at school. I know how to do school. I know how to go above and beyond and stand out. I feel powerful at school. I feel in control at school. I like being able to see an assignment through from start to finish. I love being able to talk to other students who are in the same place in life as me. I love being able to ask professors questions just because I'm curious about a topic. I love not feeling like I'm doing things just to get them done, feeling like I'm actually growing and learning and contributing.

I obviously won't be in school for forever. I'm already working on my master's and I have no desire to get a PhD. I wonder what type of job will make me feel the same way school does. Is there such a job? Or will I just need to realize that work will never be as enjoyable for me as school is?