I’ve been in a blogging funk lately. The things I really
want to talk about are too hard to put into words – and I’m kind of afraid of
people reading them.
A lot of my thoughts have surrounded the church (Brother
Bott, the role of women, the “perfect” nature of the church, the temple) – I’m
afraid to share my thoughts on these because I don’t want people to question my
testimony… and, more importantly, I don’t want to cause others to start
questioning theirs. I’ve read blogs written by people who express their
frustration with the church, and they have really made me reevaluate how I see
things. There have been moments of darkness, doubt, and frustration. I’ve had
to come up with my own ideas and beliefs about what is true – and I know those beliefs
don’t sync up perfectly with what I’m “supposed” to believe, or with what I’ve
been told to believe. I’m grateful for the chance I’ve had to take that journey
and really challenge what I believe, because it has reassured me that the
church is true, even if I see some things differently. I know that the church
helps people become better and I know that what we believe about God is true
and I know it’s where I should be. But what if others go down that path and it leads
them away? I don’t really want to be the person who causes other people to
doubt.
So, for now, I’ll avoid that topic, unless something (someone)
convinces me otherwise.
Another thing I want to talk about is my experiences with
Ernst &Young, but I’m avoiding writing about that out of fear that someone
from work will see. What good is blogging when you can’t say what you want to
say?
I think this is amazing Megan. The balance is hard to find of what to say, and what to sort of keep to myself. I am very open about the things I am because the questioning and the journey expanded the gospel so much for me and helped me understand so much. It is so hard though, during that questioning time, and I often cringe to think of other people leaving their safe and sound certainty about things. But there will be progression that way, you know? And improvement and progression is what our gospel is all about.
ReplyDeleteAnd...I don't have any words of advice about Ernst and Young. ha ha.
I think it's good to have people question or even doubt because they will seek answers for themselves. If their testimony is based on something that they've heard their whole lives and can be broken by something that someone else says, then in my opinion, it's not really a testimony and they SHOULD question it. Looking at things with a different perspective and hearing things from a different perspective helps us learn and progress.
ReplyDelete-Nathan
we should dialogue. you and your hubby need to hurry up and get back to provo. a potluck with 'that crowd' is in order.
ReplyDeleteI have also been reevaluating a lot of things in my life, including my faith, it's been both good and painful... but important. We'll chat.
ReplyDeleteNothing is more important in life than questioning beliefs. No matter what the outcome is, you should always question. If your beliefs hold up to the questioning you appreciate them even more.
ReplyDeleteWell I would definitely be interested in hearing what you have to say about EY haha, but you raise a good point about blogging... it's great to have this outlet but nothing you put online is ever truly private or can be kept from certain people. Did you decide that working for EY isn't for you?
ReplyDelete