More Must Haves

• NoseFrida Snot Sucker - This is one of those products that you can laugh at all you want, but it is a lifesaver! Basically, you press a tube against your baby's nostril, and then suck on a connected tube to literally suck the snot out of your baby's nose. There is a filter in between the two tubes, so you are not going to suck their snot into your mouth or anything! We tried using the bulb syringe nasal aspirator at first, and those things are a joke! The snot sucker has been a life saver as we've rolled into cold season because Lewis has been waking up with a snotty nose every morning. This is a must have!
• Portable white noise machine: I think I wrote about white noise in my last "must haves" blog post. We've been using white noise with Lewis since pretty much the beginning, but when he was about two months old, I realized how much white noise could help us when we're out and about. Lewis doesn't mind his carseat as long as the car is moving but he's generally not content to hangout in it and wouldn't stay asleep if he fell asleep in it. I started using my phone to play white noise for him and it helped A LOT in his carseat, but then I was without my phone and the battery would run down pretty quick. So we bought the Marpac Hushh portable white noise machine. We just hook it on his carseat when we're going to be out and about and it really helps him stay calm in his seat!  We even use this machine at night now because our other one broke. It has a great volume range and has three sound options. We also take this to daycare with him so he can have white noise during his naps.
• Bottle drying rack:  We introduced Lewis to a bottle at about 3 weeks and gave him a couple bottles a week, to make sure he would continue taking a bottle. Now that he's in daycare, he gets bottles everyday. So we needed a place to dry bottles, as well as my pump parts.  We use the Boon Patch drying rack, and I love it. It's cute, minimal, and functional. There are a couple different shapes, but I like the Patch the best. One Patch will hold 4-5 bottles, so we ended up buying two to accommodate bottles and pump parts. Boon also sells "accessories" that fit into the drying rack, like the Twig, which dries bottle nipples and small pump parts (I can't say I love the Twig. There are only a few "branches" that are long enough/at the necessary angle to hold the nipples we use. But it works ok)
• Swaddle sack: Lewis resisted swaddling early on, but we started up again when he was maybe a month old and it has really been a life saver. We never had much luck swaddling with blankets, so we bought some ZiggyBaby swaddle sacks. These worked fine, but he outgrew them pretty quick. A friend loaned us some SwaddleMe sacks that are a similar design to the Ziggybaby, but seem like a higher quality material. With both of these, I sometimes struggled to get a tight swaddle because his hands would easily find a way out. My true favorite swaddle sack is the Halo. We started with the newborn fleece swaddle sack. I love how warm it is, because Greg and I like to keep the house pretty cool at night, so this gives me comfort that he will stay nice and cozy. I also love how wide the swaddle wings are, I feel like they really hug his entire torso and easily cover his hands. It's super easy to get a tight swaddle. I bought a size small cotton Halo swaddle sack for daytime sleep, but haven't used it a ton yet. It's been harder to get a tight swaddle in, and I'm not sure if the material has anything to do with it (less friction?) or if he is just too small for it.
• Hands free pumping bra: Now that I'm back at work, I'm pumping three times a day. A hands free bra allows me to relax while I'm pumping, and to use my hands for other things. I ordered this PumpEase  hands free bra first - meh. It's basically a stretchy strapless bra with slits for the pump flanges. It has three rows of hooks and eyes in the front, so not very adjustable. The small bra was too small for me and the medium was too big. As the bottles filled with milk, the bra couldn't hold them up anymore. My local breastfeeding retail store, Milkworks, sells the Simple Wishes hands free bra, so I decided to try it out. It's 100x better! The SimpleWishes bra comes with a velcro panel in the back so you can truly get a custom fit for you. It zips up the front and comes with a front extension to accommodate how far apart your breasts are. It also comes with straps, but you don't really need them because you can fit this bra exactly to you. This bra also has a better design for the slits for the pump flanges. One friend said she got a crappy knock off when she ordered from Amazon though, so buyer beware.
• Nursing Pads: I don't leak a ton, but I feel like the one time I don't wear pads, I leak. So I really use them as more of a paranoid precaution. I hated throwing away the disposable pads, since they were hardly getting any use, but I was wary of the reusable kinds that seemed really thick. I ordered Kiddo Care nursing pads on Amazon and I am pretty happy with them! They're big and thick enough that I wouldn't be able to wear them with a thin, tight shirt, but I'm not wearing a whole lot of those these days anyways. These were a great, inexpensive option for a reusable nursing pad.

Back to work!

This is my last week of maternity leave. I definitely have mixed feelings about it! Lewis will be going to daycare, and while i feel very comfortable with the quality of care he'll receive, of course I worry. I know that when the day comes, I'm going to feel some separation anxiety, but right now, what has me most worried is how Lewis will nap.

Right now I feel like I spend most of my day putting him down for naps because he gets tired and fussy pretty fast after waking up, but takes a lot of short naps. Every now and then he'll have a killer 2+ hour nap, but most of his naps are 30-45 minutes. He gets fussy about 30 min to an hour after waking up and we repeat the nap cycle.

Right now he's taking his naps in a swing. It's what works for us, but at daycare he'll be napping in a crib. When I try to put him down for naps in his bassinet, unless he's pretty passed out, he screams, so this could be interesting. I keep reminding myself that these people have seen hundreds of children and will know how to take care of him, and he'll be fine. But I just have this mental image of him being so tired and screaming but refusing to fall asleep in the crib. I guess we'll see :/ (and a caveat... Please no sleep advice. I've already read a million things and we're just trying to do what works for us)

I feel a little guilty admitting this, but in some ways I'm excited to take him to daycare. Staying home with him has been a little challenging for me. I know we're in a difficult stage right now and it won't always be this way, but I feel pretty exasperated after a long day of playing "put Lewis down for a nap" all day. I love the time I get with him when he's awake and happy. He's started smiling and would give me bigger smiles than Greg for awhile. I feel like he does recognize me as someone who takes care of him. I love that, and it freaks me out to think of going from being with him all day everyday to only being with him evenings and weekends. But I don't know how people do it! Staying home with him has made me feel an enormous amount of pressure to get everything right. And Lewis is a pretty passionate child, so it's easy to feel like I'm doing everything wrong.

I read something the other day that really resonated with me as I prepare to return to work. Someone on Facebook said "motherhood is not a job; it's a relationship". I'm still his mother even if I'm not the one changing his diaper, feeding him, etc., all day. Nothing can take away the special relationship of me being his mother. Of course I knew that, and i know that kids who go to daycare still grow up knowing who their mom and dad are and that their mom and dad love them, but it's easy to forget that and worry, especially right now as I'm being cut off cold turkey!

Of course I also worry about how we'll manage meals and housework once we're both back at work. And I definitely worry about how I'll function if I'm sleep deprived. Lewis and I have been sleeping in until 9 most morning and now we're going to have to wake up early! He sleeps good most nights, but we have rough nights here and there. Since I'm breastfeeding, I handle almost all of the nighttime duties, and going back to work means no more napping for me! This will be yet another new phase in our lives that we will adjust to.

Maternity leave went by really fast. As a friend put it, "the days are long, but the weeks go fast." In the midst of the painful parts, it didn't feel fast, but here I am, 12 weeks almost over. I'm incredibly grateful to have had this time with him, but here's to the next phase!